Snake Pit

I fell off the quarantine bandwagon and into the snake pit.

Broken Arrow

It's the perfect place for me. Broken Arrow Lodge. I am broken. This world is breaking me. A broken arrow can't fly straight, but it can fly.

When I have something to do, I can focus on it. This road trip, the planning and building, the packing and sorting, the buying and arranging... it all gives me a purpose. I'm needing purpose in this purposeless world. When you used to go to work, to reap some sort of rewards instead of being caged in your own home. If I keep moving, I don't have to think about it. I don't have to stop and remember how terrible people are being to one another, when at the beginning of this, I was impressed with humanity's kindness and empathy. I don't have to look at the news, at my FB feed, and read about the horribleness as peoples health is turned into a political battle. I don't have to fret about my kids' emotional needs, what they are missing, how I am I missing all the people in our lives. 

Moving. Just keep moving. "Just do the next right thing." (sorry, throwing in a Frozen 2 line). But sometimes that's all you can do, is just put your next foot forward and try not to be a dick. Try not to resent the world, and the people in it, and try not to let hate and disgust grow in my heart. It's hard. It's easy to forget if you are on the road, entertaining your kids and keeping them from killing each other in the back seat.

I lost it on day 1, and again the next day. I had dragged the girls in 100 degree weather to Arches NP. I wanted to see the sunset, and we'd had a full day of driving and crankiness. They sure as hell didn't want to be outside, let alone exploring a park. We went to The Windows arches, and found ourselves nearly deserted at the second arch. We climbed up and had a lovely, precarious perch all to ourselves. Of course, the kids didn't want to wait the 15 minutes until sunset and were bickering. I asked what they would do if they could do one, pre-covid previous life thing. Evey said, "I would go back to school. I miss learning stuff." Then she said, "What do you miss mommy?" I burst into tears. I told them that I missed them being happy, and going to school, and seeing their friends. And everything. But if I could fix their happiness, their lives, I would do it. I had a good cry and they cuddled me, as we watched the sunset.

Sometimes a good cry is justified.

I think this world is cry-worthy, for sure. 

Eggs and Rain

We made it through our days at Yellowstone, and dropped off Eric at the airport in Bozeman, Montana for his lengthy journey back to Burbank.

Yellowstone.

Quite a place. I have never been anywhere like it, and wonder if there's any similar place on Earth. To be sure, the geothermal features and oodles and oodles of forest/lakes/streams/rivers/waterfalls/hikes is simply amazing. The animal experience is incredible.

But man, I wish we had better weather and perhaps a little planning foresight. The weather for the first few days was incredibly cold and wet. High of 42, and the first two days was rainy and wet. We didn't let it dampen our adventure, but it did dampen our enthusiasm a bit to have frozen wet fingers and toes. Definitely reminded me of my childhood a bit. It even flurried on the second day.

By the third day, the rain had mostly stopped but the cold gray weather continued. It definitely brightened our moods a bit to be dry. We had a lovely hike along Yellowstone River Picnic Trail. Both kids had their meltdowns at different times, as expected, but overall it was amazing through meadows and above the Tower canyon.

It was great spending time with Eric. We booked hotel rooms since we all couldn't fit in The Daisy Dodger. And learned the Yellowstone reminds me of rotten eggs and rain.

The Tetons

I've had zero internet other than my drives through town, so this will be brief. But DEAR GAWD this place is lovely.

And like, no one wears masks.

Bathrooms were an issue right off the bat. I had planned much of the first few days of driving around Starbucks stops, but quickly realized that nearly all had closed their restrooms. McDonalds, on the other hand, had not. While you can't eat in, most McD's you can saunter in and use their restrooms fairly easily. The odd teenager working there certainly isn't keeping tabs on you, and prolly doesn't give AF even if they were.

So those became our regular stops, and as a result, my kids have consumed an extraordinary amount of chicken nuggets. My kids are SoCal kids. They don't eat a ton of fast food. We are damn snooty with our diets, usually, but that goes out the window when you are on the road for 8 hours with cranky small humans.

The girls asked me how to make a perfect marshmallow. I was so happy to show them (Eric is the light-her-on-fire type and I'm happy to see the girls coming to their sense early in life, that quality is better than quantity). We ate s'mores, melting the chocolate next to the flame first, as is the perfect method.

We never found a moose, which was our ultimate goal, but saw some amazing sights in the Tetons. GORGEOUS area. Perfect weather. Amazing mountains and wildflowers. It was hard at first, taking them on hikes by myself. Scary, because if an animal came at us then "I" was the protector. I had my bear spray but still, I certainly don't want to have to use it (especially on a moose! Who knows what that would do). Anyhow, we picked a few low-impact hikes and survived. Took lots of lovely pictures, saw crazy antelope and barns and deer and bison.

On the Road

It turns out I am extraordinarily busy getting ready for a 4-week roadtrip, so blogging has been pretty sparse. BUT! But. We are on the road. Today is day 3, Wednesday, and we left on Monday very early in the morning to head to Grand Canyon.

I imagine I won't have too much to say, as being an only parent on a roadtrip is very mentally, emotionally, and physically consuming. I am very much missing having my partner on this trip. For so many reasons! The ability to tap out is big, along with him missing the fun of course. He would have loved some of the sights we have seen.

I had a moment, on the drive within the first few hours, where I felt anxiety and panic swirling. I was alone, what if some creeper decided to follow us, really what could I do? I mean, pepper spray and bear spray will only get you so far. I felt, for a moment, like a stray animal that was caged and looking for a way out. Poking and prodding at the edges, holding it together but just barely, while sheer terror lingered below the surface.

Eventually, about halfway to the Grand Canyon, it quieted a bit. I knew I just had to get past the hump of making a possibly huge, dangerous, irrational vacation plan on a whim... but since then, I've been perhaps too tired to concern myself too much with my anxiety.

We made it to Grand Canyon in great time, about 7 hours and were able to drive straight to Mather's Point. I did a reveal with the girls, closing their eyes and filming their reaction. Impressed, perhaps, but also rather Meh. Aaaahhhh kids.

I mean, I did only plan one night here as really, it is Summer and I sure as heck am not going to drag them below the rim on a hike. We checked into our hotel, did a quick dip in the pool that angered my oldest and soured her mood for the rest of the evening (pool was too crowded, so I pulled them away to their dismay) and I did a little less than stellar parenting in the forest near sunset. Got some pics, watched the sunset Yaki Point, and headed back to the hotel. There were a bunch of elk on the drive in which we got some pictures of, and thankfully the park was not collecting fees. I did have a National Park 4th graders pass that should have worked, if needed, but I had yet to try it out.

We left early the next morning. As we pulled out of the hotel, we saw a huge elk stag 20 feet away in the parking lot. We watched him pee, and then lick it. Nature at its finest.

We drove much of yesterday but made it to Moab early enough. Sunset in Arches at the Windows.

Windows!

I have so much more to write, but for now, I will leave you with the window progress! I bought some heavy duty spray adhesive and made the inside much more fancy for sleeping. Huzzah!

Itinerary

Eeeeeeek! We leave in 6 days!!

Devil cat!

Monday, June 22
Drive to Grand Canyon 8 hours
STAY Grand Canyon Plaza Hotel

Tues June 23
Explore GC in morning

Drive to Arches 6-7 hours

STAY Moab Valley RV Resort & Camp

Wed June 24
Explore Arches
Explore Canyonlands?

STAY Moab Valley RV...

Thur June 25
Drive to Jackson Hole WY 8 hours

STAY Snake River KOA

Fri June 26
Explore Grand Teton

STAY Snake River KOA

Sat June 27
Explore Grand Teton
Pickup Eric Airport

STAY Lexington in Jackson Hole

Sun June 28
Explore Yellowstone

Drive to West Yellowstone 1-2 hours

STAY in Hibernation Station

Mon June 29
Explore Yellowstone

STAY in Lake Cottages

Tues June 30
Explore Yellowstone

STAY in Lake Cottages

Wed July 1
Explore Yellowstone in morning

Drive to Bozeman MT Airport 2 hours

Drive to Alder MT Ranch 2.5 hours

STAY at Broken Arrow Ranch

July 1-July 5
STAY at Broken Arrow Ranch

Sun July 5
Drive to East Glacier 6 hours

STAY East Glacier /St Mary KOA

Mon July 6
Explore Many Glacier

Drive GTSR

STAY West Glacier KOA

Tues July 7
Explore Going to the Sun Road

STAY West Glacier KOA

Wed July 8
Drive to Coeur d’Alene (Crotty Family?) 3 hours???

Drive to Wenatchee/Leavenworth 6.5 hours???

STAY ???

Thurs July 9
Drive to Snohomish, WA

July 9-13/14
Hang at Grandpa’s (4 nights)

July 14
Drive to Uncle Andy or Aunt Nelda 

July 15-17
Stay at Aunt Nelda (2-3 nights)

Fri July 17
Drive to Crescent City 5.5 hours

Stay Westward Inn Crescent City

Sat July 18
Explore Lady Bird Johnson

Drive Redding+ 4 hours

Stay _____________

Sunday July 19
Drive to .... HOME???